Work It Out

   Not so simple to work it out when you do nothing but argue. Let's sort it out he says... He comes and sees Seren but never says lets talk.. Doesn't even say hello.. Cant forgive and forget things I've done when I've apologised over and over. Yet I'm supposed to forgive everything his family do? I'm supposed to forgive and forget that they said I wasn't family when I get no apology for it. Nothing saying they'll do more photos and include me. Nope it's ok for me to be treated like shit on someone's shoe by his family but I'm supposed to shout from the rooftops how sorry I am because I've told him to man up and be a dad.

   He says i want to sort it and comes with no plan to sort it.. Make up your mind

Update - Been A While

 Well last time I blogged to you all I was saying how I thought things between me and Serens dad weren't good. Well it's official instead of wanting to work at things he ended it last Friday. I couldn't even bring myself to cry, well not until mid week, I just carried on. Like a robot well I have a family to look after. That's where I'm wrong I have a family who will look after us. I have my parents who have been my rock and I have my uncle and aunt. I have lots of family around me. I have lots of friends too.

This is only a quick update because it's 22:35 and Seren is finally asleep so I'm going to join her in dream land. Till next time. I'm gonna try get back on everyday because I need to get back to being me. 

I love you all! 

Better Things

Your supposed to be happy when a baby is born. I was I was estatic. I had my family but it's all fell apart. Me and john argue more than we did before Seren was born and I just don't know why! I don't feel depressed or upset but these arguments get to me. They make me think is our relationship worth it? Do I put Seren through it? I don't want to. I lived with my parents arguing. I don't want that for her. I'd rather she has two happy parents than parents who argue. 

So we're 10 weeks in.. My relationship has gone to pot. I have a beautiful little girl.. Christmas is coming.. Things are generally good. Just wish they were better. How can I make it better? I really don't know. But for now snuggles with my princess make it all better 

Dear Mum

Dear Mum,

 You are amazing. Everything you went through with me as a baby and now your going through it again with me and my baby. You say compared to how I was when I was a baby that Seren is quite good. If that's true then OMG how hard was i? I find Seren hard to cope with some days.

There's many things I could write in this and it wouldn't really mean anything. All I know is your amazing. You've not just been my mum but my best friend and I never really got it till now. Yes we clash because we're both headstrong. Yes we've argued, but if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have got through my labour. I wouldn't have had an a assisted delivery I know for a fact if you wasn't there it would have been a section. I have so much to thank you for. All them years cleaning me up and cuddling me, all those accident you fixed with special kisses and magic water to make it all better. All them problems at school you fought tirelessly. Just for me. I always remember saying stop interfering it's ok. It was never ok to be bullied and you fought my corner, even that time when I did do wrong and use my fists. You stood in my corner cause now I realise that's what mums do.

Your not just any mum. Your MY mum. Your loved so much. I appreciate you so much. I wish I could turn back the clocks and never argue with you, I'm hoping that's just par of growing up. Your my inspiration mum. The most amazing woman on the planet and I'm so lucky because your MY mum.

Xxxx

4 weeks

So we are 4 weeks into motherhood and for Seren 4 weeks into the world and now it's a week of mental development. But my poor baby also keeps getting a temperature. At the moment she's managed about 15 mins sleep since she woke up this morning at 9:45. This is because we are currently both lay in mummy's bed! I do love being mummy just when I'm getting cried at constantly it gets hard. I wouldn't change it for the world though. Even 15 mins sleep is better than none and it may help her temperature f she gets some sleep.

Since day one she's been a good sleeper at night only ever waking once or twice so I'm really lucky there seeing as I know some people are up all night with there babies. We are 2 weeks post tounge tie and her feeding has just got better and better to be honest. I'm so proud of her. However my dinky dot still fits in first size and 0-3 are still massive on her. To be honest it really is just a quick update on how we are getting on. 

Neglected

So I haven't been here for ages and it seems I've neglected you all but I haven't honestly. Ok maybe I have and I'm sorry, but it has been hetic in my life at the moment and that's because I have a new baby. That's right no longer pregnant no more pregnancy posts but I do need to finish off my pregnancy posts so that's going to be confusing. 

So today at 07:27 my little girl will be 2 weeks old! God how the time flies!! Seren Jade was born on 31st August 2014 weighing 8lb13oz. So I will fill you in more soon as I do want to try get some sleep because little miss Seren Jade has had me up since 5! 

I'll leave you all with a picture 

Our first cuddle

(TRIGGER WARNING) A Battle - Still Fighting

  Yesterday the world payed and are still paying tributes to a great actor and comedian who sadly cut his life short because of Depression. Unfortunately Robin Williams took his own life, it was the only option he felt he had. I know what people are going to say. Why didn't he get help? What about his family? That he made a selfish decision. But how can you judge? Have you been in his shoes have you faced the battles he has? 

  Until you've been in the place he was you can't say anything. I suffer with depression. I've been fighting this battle since I was 14-15. I've suffered with depression I still do, I no longer take my anti-depressants. I feel like I don't need to but I still have daily struggles. I still have days where I feel I don't want to do anything, don't want to get up in the morning. 

Depression isn't something you can just get over. See I've self-harmed, I have cut myself to try and stop the emotional pain I'm feeling. I've tried to end my own life, I'm still here I failed. I was told I did it for attention. That made me feel lower than low. I did it because I felt there was no other way. 

So when you think of Robin Williams don't think of the way his life ended, think of all he achieved. Think of all the laughter and joy he gave you in your childhood. Be that as a alien, Peter Pan, A Scientist, Dr. Patch Adams or even Mrs. Doubtfire these films are what he lived for he lived to make people laugh. To bring joy to adults as well as children. We're lucky there are still 4 films we will see him in! So let his memories lives on in the characters we all love! 

R.I.P.  Robin Williams