Reflections

Could things be better I don't know. Am I happy? Yes in some respect I have a family who I love and who love me. But what's there? What's inside? How to let it out? Why not just pretend it's all normal and carry on? That's what I do. Normal daily jobs day in day out. How to be me? I don't know. How to have fun? I don't know. What makes me ME? I don't know. Why am I writing this? I don't know 

There's a lot I don't know. There's a lot to find out. But where do I start? I guess there's no better place than Right Here, Right Now. Right?

Islam & Islamic Extremists - They are so different

Ok right I'm so sick of this. Whenever things happen. Whenever 1 person or 2 people go to the extreme we tend to blame the religion. Why? All religions are the same we all believe In the same person but we call him so many different things. Allah, God, Buddah. Islam is so different to the Islamic extremists. So why are we blaming them? 

 So much has happened in this world 9/11, 7/7, Lee Rigby Killing, Hostage situation in Sydney. All this and it just happens that the majority are Islamic extremists who think Allah wants this. They are wrong so wrong they're mind has been warped. What God no matter what you call him wants you to go kill people. 

 Yesterday a terrorist was killed after taking 17 people hostage. 3 of his hostages were killed. 9/11 Islamic terrorists hijacked planes and crashed them into buildings. 7/7 bombs in London again by Islamic terrorists. The war on terrorism. Lee Rigby murder where a British soldier was mowed down and then killed by two Islamic extremists.

I have Muslim friends. My best friends boyfriend is Muslim. So I'm saying this do not blame a religion. We all just want to live in peace it's the majority. So I'm stood here saying I'll stand with my Muslim friends I'll stand by Jay because we need to stop blaming a religion. Blame the people. 

 This is my friends blog post:

http://www.dreambiglivefull.blogspot.com.au/2014/12/illridewithyou.html?m=1

Coca-Cola Truck Tour & Shopping

 So everyone knows that the coca-cola truck does a tour every year, for ages now I've kept saying I'm going to go and well it's never happened. I was going to go last year with Serens dad but we missed the Birmingham tour date so we decided to go to the Leicester one but when that day came I just couldn't be bothered. It seemed to far away to queue up for hours on end to see a truck. However this year I did. I went with my friend Mel and Seren. 

  The coca-cola truck opened at 1pm and I'm so glad we got there early cause we was done by 5 past 1!! I spent more time getting up and down the podium with Seren because j wanted to make sure I didn't fall! It had been raining so the slope try had put out was slippy. To get our photo we was given a code. So in a few days I'll be able to download our photo. 

 After seeing the coca-cola truck we went Christmas shopping and what has happened to town?! The pallasades have gone. Now I haven't been into town for a few years so I'm guessing the pallasades went when they started to do the renovations to New Street Station. Me and Mel and Seren really shopped till we dropped because the moment we got home and Seren was fed she was sparks in the clothes she was wearing that day! 

  I know I was glad when bedtime came and so was this little miss but we had an amazing day!!! 

Lost Post

 I've lost half my post from coca cola truck do bare with me 

Breast Vs. Bottle - The Big Debate

Now I'm not here to tell you how to feed your baby that is up to you. I don't even care. As long as a baby is fed and looked after and is a happy baby, I really couldn't care less. I know breastfeeding isn't possible for some people and I'm not about to sit here and bang on about it and make them feel bad. I know there's many reasons people can't breastfeed for long or at all. I really don't care. I think as long as you look after your child it doesn't matter if they are breastfed or bottle-fed. I do care however that some breastfeeding mums get told to 'go feed their baby in a toilet' or get told to cover up. That's what I have an issue with.

 Last week in London a lady was told to cover up so she could feed her daughter discreetly. Now in my opinion putting a big cloth over yourself and your babies head causes more reaction than just bringing your baby up to you. We don't go out flashing our boobs out like these models but that's acceptable. Yes ok use a cover if it makes you feel comfortable. But no-one should be forced to. Would you cover a baby having its milk from a bottle? 

 

 Breastfeeding mothers are protected by the Equality Act 2010. Now like ive said before I don't care if you breastfeed or formula feed your baby. But if you breastfeed never feel like you need to cover up. You don't have to. 

Some boobie love from Seren

Moving On

 I'm no longer living in limbo which I'm happy about. Just not happy about the outcome but it's what's best for Seren. Today I gave john the days he could visit to have his access with Seren. Supervised by my mum. He's got access on Tuesday and Sunday's. Least that's sorted now. 

  Me and Seren can move on with our lives now start doing things for us. For our family. 2015 is going to be our year. 2014 was the best year ever I was blessed with Seren. My little star. I never ever thought I'd have her but now my life is complete. Christmas is going to be amazing I'm sure of it I really am. Serens first christmas. 

It's all happening now. Tomorrow I'm moving Serens big car seat out of the porch so we can put the spare tree up in there. I'm ordering a santa stop here sign for my baby. She's got a plate for christmas it really is coming into place. I've brought my Christmas presents from Seren. I've brought her dads and her grandmas. But even better I've brought my parents Christmas presents. Well not all of them. I'm going to go out in the week and get them some more things.

  Nan I know your up there watching so this Christmas is for you. Many more to come. We all love and miss you Christmas was your favourite. We'll open a present for you. Such a dear nan and such a great friend. The person I told everything to. I hope you have a merry Christmas in heaven. Don't go drinking all the sherry now. Seren and I love you so much. 

UPDATING

I will be updating my blog page. I've decided a re-vamp is in order. So please bare with me while I do this. I will continue to post as normal. But the blog may look a bit of a mess while I do it.

Count down to Christmas

Eeeek it's 18 sleeps until Christmas Day :). I can't wait i get to spend it with the most important people in my life. So how's it all going? Well the trees up. Seren put the star on the tree. Presents are wrapped I have some still to wrap but not many. I've just placed an order with asda for some presents for my dad and Seren. We really are going to have an amazing christmas. 

(Serens Tree)

It's all coming into place and I couldn't be any more happier than I am. I had my Christmas present on 31st August when Seren was born.. 

Baby Stay Still

  Yeah this baby of mine will not stay still. She's 3 months old she can't roll or crawl or anything like that but I try to feed her to sleep so I can cut her nails and she throws her arms around something rotten. It's like she knows. I do love the smiles she gives though. She is such a cheeky little monkey. So baby stay still let me do your nails. Baby stay put when I put you on your playmat. Does anyone have any ideas to get her to enjoy it more? She goes on and then starts crying after 5 minutes. She won't even do tummy time.. I feel like screaming what am I doing wrong? I know in my head I'm not doing anything wrong though. Surely some babies just don't like tummy time? I never had tummy time 20 years ago and I turned out fine right? I hope.

 So come on people give me some ideas to be able to cut her nails and toe nails.. They're like sharp little pins.

 

World AIDS day - Dec 1st

 Tonight I ask one thing, when you say your prayers or whatever you do before you go to sleep. Spare a thought for those who have lost their family from AIDS and think about those living with HIV.

Let's stop this stigma.

Let's stop ignorance.

One of the worlds most famous rock stars/musician died from AIDS. It's not something dirty or catchable by touch. Let's not treat these people badly. Don't stare, don't say mean things. 

Lady Diana Spencer never got AIDS and she worked with loads of people with it. So does prince Harry. It's only transmitable by bodily fluids.

Spare a thought for them 

Work It Out

   Not so simple to work it out when you do nothing but argue. Let's sort it out he says... He comes and sees Seren but never says lets talk.. Doesn't even say hello.. Cant forgive and forget things I've done when I've apologised over and over. Yet I'm supposed to forgive everything his family do? I'm supposed to forgive and forget that they said I wasn't family when I get no apology for it. Nothing saying they'll do more photos and include me. Nope it's ok for me to be treated like shit on someone's shoe by his family but I'm supposed to shout from the rooftops how sorry I am because I've told him to man up and be a dad.

   He says i want to sort it and comes with no plan to sort it.. Make up your mind

Update - Been A While

 Well last time I blogged to you all I was saying how I thought things between me and Serens dad weren't good. Well it's official instead of wanting to work at things he ended it last Friday. I couldn't even bring myself to cry, well not until mid week, I just carried on. Like a robot well I have a family to look after. That's where I'm wrong I have a family who will look after us. I have my parents who have been my rock and I have my uncle and aunt. I have lots of family around me. I have lots of friends too.

This is only a quick update because it's 22:35 and Seren is finally asleep so I'm going to join her in dream land. Till next time. I'm gonna try get back on everyday because I need to get back to being me. 

I love you all! 

Better Things

Your supposed to be happy when a baby is born. I was I was estatic. I had my family but it's all fell apart. Me and john argue more than we did before Seren was born and I just don't know why! I don't feel depressed or upset but these arguments get to me. They make me think is our relationship worth it? Do I put Seren through it? I don't want to. I lived with my parents arguing. I don't want that for her. I'd rather she has two happy parents than parents who argue. 

So we're 10 weeks in.. My relationship has gone to pot. I have a beautiful little girl.. Christmas is coming.. Things are generally good. Just wish they were better. How can I make it better? I really don't know. But for now snuggles with my princess make it all better 

Dear Mum

Dear Mum,

 You are amazing. Everything you went through with me as a baby and now your going through it again with me and my baby. You say compared to how I was when I was a baby that Seren is quite good. If that's true then OMG how hard was i? I find Seren hard to cope with some days.

There's many things I could write in this and it wouldn't really mean anything. All I know is your amazing. You've not just been my mum but my best friend and I never really got it till now. Yes we clash because we're both headstrong. Yes we've argued, but if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have got through my labour. I wouldn't have had an a assisted delivery I know for a fact if you wasn't there it would have been a section. I have so much to thank you for. All them years cleaning me up and cuddling me, all those accident you fixed with special kisses and magic water to make it all better. All them problems at school you fought tirelessly. Just for me. I always remember saying stop interfering it's ok. It was never ok to be bullied and you fought my corner, even that time when I did do wrong and use my fists. You stood in my corner cause now I realise that's what mums do.

Your not just any mum. Your MY mum. Your loved so much. I appreciate you so much. I wish I could turn back the clocks and never argue with you, I'm hoping that's just par of growing up. Your my inspiration mum. The most amazing woman on the planet and I'm so lucky because your MY mum.

Xxxx

4 weeks

So we are 4 weeks into motherhood and for Seren 4 weeks into the world and now it's a week of mental development. But my poor baby also keeps getting a temperature. At the moment she's managed about 15 mins sleep since she woke up this morning at 9:45. This is because we are currently both lay in mummy's bed! I do love being mummy just when I'm getting cried at constantly it gets hard. I wouldn't change it for the world though. Even 15 mins sleep is better than none and it may help her temperature f she gets some sleep.

Since day one she's been a good sleeper at night only ever waking once or twice so I'm really lucky there seeing as I know some people are up all night with there babies. We are 2 weeks post tounge tie and her feeding has just got better and better to be honest. I'm so proud of her. However my dinky dot still fits in first size and 0-3 are still massive on her. To be honest it really is just a quick update on how we are getting on. 

Neglected

So I haven't been here for ages and it seems I've neglected you all but I haven't honestly. Ok maybe I have and I'm sorry, but it has been hetic in my life at the moment and that's because I have a new baby. That's right no longer pregnant no more pregnancy posts but I do need to finish off my pregnancy posts so that's going to be confusing. 

So today at 07:27 my little girl will be 2 weeks old! God how the time flies!! Seren Jade was born on 31st August 2014 weighing 8lb13oz. So I will fill you in more soon as I do want to try get some sleep because little miss Seren Jade has had me up since 5! 

I'll leave you all with a picture 

Our first cuddle

(TRIGGER WARNING) A Battle - Still Fighting

  Yesterday the world payed and are still paying tributes to a great actor and comedian who sadly cut his life short because of Depression. Unfortunately Robin Williams took his own life, it was the only option he felt he had. I know what people are going to say. Why didn't he get help? What about his family? That he made a selfish decision. But how can you judge? Have you been in his shoes have you faced the battles he has? 

  Until you've been in the place he was you can't say anything. I suffer with depression. I've been fighting this battle since I was 14-15. I've suffered with depression I still do, I no longer take my anti-depressants. I feel like I don't need to but I still have daily struggles. I still have days where I feel I don't want to do anything, don't want to get up in the morning. 

Depression isn't something you can just get over. See I've self-harmed, I have cut myself to try and stop the emotional pain I'm feeling. I've tried to end my own life, I'm still here I failed. I was told I did it for attention. That made me feel lower than low. I did it because I felt there was no other way. 

So when you think of Robin Williams don't think of the way his life ended, think of all he achieved. Think of all the laughter and joy he gave you in your childhood. Be that as a alien, Peter Pan, A Scientist, Dr. Patch Adams or even Mrs. Doubtfire these films are what he lived for he lived to make people laugh. To bring joy to adults as well as children. We're lucky there are still 4 films we will see him in! So let his memories lives on in the characters we all love! 

R.I.P.  Robin Williams 

Garden Renovations - Part 3

So today dad has decided to renovate the rabbit hutch so that it is easier to clean for me and mum. Which means putting the run on the the side of the hutch. It also means we can now have the kitchen window open when cooking which may make us less grumpy when cooking now. Luckily with 2 men it should be done faster but dad and John are like Laurel and Hardy. So I'm guessing it's just going to take them longer. Let's hope they at least go to the skip because we have a mattress that is clogging up our landing! For the next week I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands as I'm going to Tamworth for the week to look after Johns dog. It's going to be a interesting week. So for now I'm signing out as there's loads to do. 

35 Weeks Pregnant

So as of Thursday I was/am 35 weeks pregnant. I'm so glad I'm near the end though now. At the moment we are expierencing the hottest weather ever! So hot I'm writing this at 19:15 and it is 27.3 degrees still. To say I am coping would be a massive understatement because I don't feel like I'm coping at all! I feel all stupid because I don't look pregnant and I'm struggling so much in the heat! The symptoms I'm expierencing don't help me either but you would have thought oh she's used to them by now. Yeah I am but these odd new ones I'm not. So the symptoms this week are:

Heartburn

Indigestion

Swollen feet

Headache/Migraine (which won't go away with pain killers)

Pins and needles in my back and toes

Pain in tummy which I can't tell difference to if it's baby moving or pain

Lower backache 

Come on princess mummy's getting fed up now 

Hospital Bag

I've half packed my hospital bag today but really need to finish it off! I really don't know what I need to take for myself and I know I should google it but everything else just seems to be getting in the way. It's either to hot to do it or I say I don't have old clothes to use and everything but I really should sort it out even if it means going and getting bits and pieces to put in it. I have all the baby's stuff though so that's the most important but if it's still this hot she won't need her blanket at all!!